


The McRap

by DarkWoods



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Semi-Seriously, Gen, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Matthew and Alfred are a gift, bros being bros, lmao this is so old but it still made me laugh so now I have to cross post it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9283064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWoods/pseuds/DarkWoods
Summary: Alfred and Matthew go to McDonalds for lunch. Why was anyone surprised it ended up as a viral video?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My bud Meaghan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+bud+Meaghan).



> This was an old christmas gift to my friend after she talked about wanting to find a fic like this.

It was a regular day at McDonalds. Or at least it was until two twin strangers came swaggin' in. It was the strangest thing; they looked like they were the CEOs of a multi-million dollar company but here they were strolling into a greasy fast food joint rather than any of the classy restaurants just down the block. But that wasn't the odd part, no. This was just the unusual beginning.

They stood in line like everyone else, one holding a professional-looking briefcase and wearing such stoic expressions you'd think they were at an airport in line to catch a flight to their next meeting.

Things when downhill when they were supposed to order.

"Excuse me miss, but I want everything in the largest size unless I say otherwise." The one with the cowlick said in a tone just as serious as his attire.

"Um, yes sir, what can I get you?" The cashier asked with stripted manners.

"You ready Alpha Dawg?" the one with wavy hair asked taking everyone aback with his unrefined choice of vocabulary.

"You know it MC!" The one with shorter hair yelled in response. He slammed his briefcase onto the counter and popping it open to reveal two Snapbacks and pairs of Ray-Bands. Tossing one of each to his partner in crime they both turned their caps backwards before pocketing their (fake?) glasses in favour of the shades and pulled out large gold chains from underneath their suits. "Hit da beat!" The same man commanded and sure enough the other started to beat-box with a surprising amount of skill.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen I hope you're good and settled in.

Me and my bro Mattie were in the mood for somethin' fatty, so we strolled right in just to get some din'." He paused to let 'Mattie' imitate the scratching of a record.

"I was thinkin' 'bout McDoubles but I'm already in trouble, see I really like to eat but I wanna see my feet. So then, of course a salad but I won't cease at a Caesar salad, so I'll take some French fries, Francis cries at the sound of the name. Deep fried and salted, he's insulted I call it cuisine. Who cares? Large and with ketchup please."

Hesitantly the cashier rang it up. "W-will that be all?"

"Oh no I'm not done just havin' some fun. I want a Big Mac. Heart attack!? Just one this time, ain't no crime! Don't glare at me MC; can't you see I'm hungry! I'll take a milkshake don't quake, It's intimidatin', don't keep me waitin'. Chocolate, nice and thick, rappin' so quick, gonna go kick that record. So you best be recordin' this!" The man said as he turned to address the growing crowd. It seemed like the people who weren't already filming didn't need to be told twice as they whipped out devices.

"W-wait so, one Big Mac-" The cashier tried to clarify but the mystery rapper cut them off.

"Sorry gotta speak, got a hectic week. So you gotta deal, take a happy meal. Medium tea 'nd some coffee, Coca Cola, how's your pola-bear? D'ya think he want's food? Hurry up dude! Don't be rude. Hold on a sec. I'll get you some nuggets in a six pack, I want a snack! Strawberry sundae, Smarty Flurry – don't ask there ain't no hurry! Apple pie – 'gain don't ask why!" Half way through the verse he seemed to be talking to his 'MC' so the cashier stopped taking the order until told otherwise.

Suddenly the beat stopped.

"Um, one sec please." The 'MC' said with what felt like an uncharacteristically quiet and polite tone after all that beat-boxing. "Yo A-man don't play man, we gotta go I need my frozen coffee! Tim Horton's is important and I want my Iced Cap; don't drag on the rap!" He said irritably.

"Guess what canuk? Don't give a fuck. Wait in line till it's your time. I'm buying lunch so don't throw a punch! Now be a dear, 'nd get Ice Coffee here!" 'Alpha Dawg' for a lack of better name insisted.

"Pfft! Coffee here's weak as your rhymes; get back in line! Done grocery shopping yet? This ain't a buffet! You're gunna break another scale'n come waling ta me. My time ain't free! Got places to be, people ta see and not for their money! Why don't you add some more ice cream for that burn? Come back at me when you learn."

The crowd went wild at the brief impromptu battle. Scowling, 'Alpha Dawg' turned back to the cashier.

"Ignore that dick, I'll make it quick. Add a small sprite just to spite. Don't want to get fat so I'll end with that. Hope you all enjoyed my signature McRap!" He finished with flourish and the crowed lost it with cheers.

The poor cashier looked overwhelmed. Rather than listing the entire order they simply turned the screen and asked for confirmation.

Everyone cringed at the price at the bottom.

"Anyone want to help pay that?" The 'MC' asked weakly with a hesitant smile.

They weren't quite sure who started it but people started throwing money at their feet.

"Thank you! Thank you! We'll be here all week!" 'Alpha Dawg' shouted before he and his twin exited the building with a ridiculous amount of food for just the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge! Try to rap it and tell me the results. The timing gets a bit awkward in places so its not going to be perfect. I'm a poet not a real rapper lol sorry


End file.
